Why is it?...

Why is it that the only guys who seem to hit on me are high or otherwise impaired?

This is the most, umm... flattery?... I've gotten since my neighbor (who happens to be 6 years younger than me) got his wisdom teeth out and asked to make out with me while he was high on codeine.

Story of the day:

I work in an office with computers and desks shared by a plethora of people. Today was a day of late starts and consequently late endings, work not excepted. An hour after everyone else had left for the day, a co-worker I've seen but not spoken much with arrived and began working at one of the other computers. He asked me my name and which program I represent, and we chatted for a moment before returning to our separate projects. About a half hour later he yawned and announced that he was tired.

"Long day?" I ask.

"I never went to bed last night," he replies stoicly. Ahh, college life.

"Ouch," I sympathize. He pauses for a moment, considering the floor, then slips from his chair to lie prostrate on the floor.

"I'm gonna sleep for about five minutes."

"Ah, yes. I can imagine the custodial crew at 11 opening the door to find you still on the floor drooling."

"Do me a favor," he utters sleepily, "if you leave, make sure I'm up first."

Hmm. "Right."

Another half hour passes, and he stirs - probably an involuntary reaction to the air conditioning, which lowers the indoor temperature to 47 degrees Kelvin despite the fact that it's mid-October.

"Wha... what time is it?" he murmurs, confused.

"9:20."

"You're kidding!"

"Yeah, I am. It's 7:30."

He rises to his chair and fiddles with the computer for a moment. Then, out of the blue, he says, "Have I asked you yet if you're married?"

Taken aback a little, I answer "no."

"Oh." He pauses for a moment. "Are you married?"

"No." I'm wondering where this is leading. An hour ago he didn't know my name, and suddenly he's inquiring as to my marital status.

Then things take a turn for the odder.

"Sometimes, don't you just need somebody to love?"

I look up from my keyboard, waiting for the punchline...

It would appear he doesn't have one.

I am suddenly reminded of my roommate, Stephanie, who has a tendency to wake up when I get home from my night job. Typically she'll sit bolt upright, talk to me for a moment about pickled livers or something else completely random, then lie back down and not remember a thing about it in the morning.

Almost out of reflex, I blurt out, "You're not entirely awake yet, are you?"

"No." He gathers his things as he pronounces, "I'm a great facilitator. There were 35 people at my info meeting today." He approaches and pokes me in the shoulder with his pointer finger. Eyes slightly glazed and head cocked to the side, he mutters, "You're a great facilitator, too."

What can I say to that? "Aw, shucks," I manage. "Go get some more sleep."

What that was? I'm still not sure. Did I handle it well? Probably not. What will tomorrow hold in the office? It'll be interesting to see.