"Be ye kind, one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another,
even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you."
-- Ephesians 4:32
"Charity suffereth long, and is kind..."
-- 1 Corinthians 13:4
even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you."
-- Ephesians 4:32
"Charity suffereth long, and is kind..."
-- 1 Corinthians 13:4
I've been thinking a lot about the concept of kindness. What exactly does it mean? How is it given, and how is it received? How does one go about embodying kindness to a greater degree? I guess it's easy to recognize but difficult to define.
I had an experience recently that portrays an aspect of kindness I'd like to adopt. A lot of my neighbors have been having qualms with apartment management. Most of the housing on this block belongs to the same investors. The managers are what some people might call "petty jerks" when it comes to dealing with tennants. I've never had problems with them, but several neighbor friends have shared their stories of angst. I didn't realize how much I was being affected by the stories until just before Christmas. One tennant I hadn't met before was bringing around a very large Christmas card for everyone to sign for the managers. He wanted to spread good will, I suppose. I had thought I was pretty neutral, but I was surprised to find myself not wanting to sign the card. No sincere kind wishes came as I took the pen to the card. This is unusual for me. I scribbled something down and handed the pen to a roommate. Before he left, the card-bearer invited us to come carolling to the managers. I had other plans at the time, so I declined. However, as I left the house on my errand, I could hear the singing of the familiar tunes. A sense of shame crept upon me. Why hadn't I joined the carollers? It would have been a 2-minute delay. Why had I, who profess to be Christian, allowed offenses to go unforgiven? Why was I so unwilling to extend a hand of friendship?
I ask myself these questions, not because I feel bound by a sense of duty to be nice to irritating people; but because I feel bound down and restricted by the unkind feelings I fostered. There is a certain freedom that comes with kind, sincere actions. I really wish I could grasp the practice a little better.
7 comments:
"The quality of mercy is not strain'd,
it droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven upon the place beneath:
it is twice bless’d;
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes "
It's not something you can force. And I don't think it has anything to do with religion. It's just what you are and what you can or want to give. It comes from within. Don't stress yourself. And take my word, don't think about it. It's there within you, you just have to give it a chance to come out.
Lotsaluv and God bless!
Well, I have very very mixed feelings on this post. I was well, almost shocked to hear someone sent around a card and caroled to management. My first thought was, 'Is this person naieve?' Doesn't he realize they will probably consider the caroling bothersome and write it down in their little black book and kick him (and the rest of the carolers) when they go to sign a contract.
Okay, so I know that's a little far-fetched. If they did that, it would be the most grinchliest thing ever.
Kindness is a Christlike attribute. Forgiveness is too. And I'm sure in time, I could be kind to the managers. I'm quite sure that will happen. But there is a part of me that is upset and seething. And it keeps on popping up in my head "they will get their reward in heaven." And I don't mean that in the good way either.
Give me some time, eventually I won't be upset about this at all.
I know what I want to say in my head, but I don't know if it's going to come out written right.
I don't consider myself a mean person, but I wouldn't think twice about not signing a card for someone I didn't like, or going out of my way to please people who irritate me. I know my red-button triggers. I know that if I'm around certain people, I'm going to leave their company angry or irritated. So I don't see the harm in avoiding their company. Yes, I think it's good to forgive them for whatever they've done in the past to irritate me, but I don't by any means think that that means that I should leave myself open and available for them to be jerks to again.
Kindness is good, but if it spiritually costs more to give it than to leave it alone, I generally leave it alone.
I'm probably the last person who should be giving advice on kindness, since I have a mean streak in me that's a mile wide, but I think it's so interesting that so little of what irritates me or endears me to someone depends on what they actually do. Does that make sense? I mean, Two people could do the exact same thing with the same intentions even, but with one person it will drive me nuts and with another I'll think it's cleverest or funniest or most adorable thing ever. I think it's like what Lincoln said...something about if you look for the bad in people expecting to find it, you will. I also agree with what Preetika said about it having to do more with what you are than what you do. Fo sure I think that what you do affects who you are, but who you are really determines what you do, I think. But I for sure think that you can change what kind of a person you are (not implying that you should, Bob, ol' gal). I guess I'm sort of an idealist, but I think that kindness, not just niceness, is more than good. I kind of think it's vital. Besides, kindness feeds itself, I think. I'm not talking about the kind of stuff we do to get a warm fuzzy high but the kind of things that come from a recognition that you exist and I exist and heck, I can help you...or not even help, but I can be kind to you. It's pretty simple...maybe sounds dumb, but I think that it makes a difference.
As a bonus for everyone, I'd like to point out that it's colorectal cancer awareness month, so I'd like to invite everyone to either go get a colonoscopy or have a double helping of raisin bran to celebrate. You pick.
Here--this is kind of what I'm talking about. This is an article I got in one of my int'l dev classes. Don't get caught up in the semantics of the words as you use them, just listen to how Rachel uses them. I think if you follow this link you'll find the article.
http://www.shambhalasun.com/archives/columnists/Remen/RemenSep99.htm
If not, google Rachel Naomi Remen Kitchen Table Wisdom September 1999 Helping, Fixing or Serving. Have a nice day.
I've really enjoyed all of your comments! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Preetika, what a beautiful poem. I agree that kindness is not monopolized by religion. It's a part of the human experience and human potential. But if a person wants to be more kind, how can they not think about it? I agree that it can't be forced, but isn't some kind of effort needed, whether it be mental, physical, spiritual, etc.? Change doesn't come without effort, does it?
BigRed – I guess I’ve had a few good experiences with K that won’t let me believe either of them are all that grinchy. I really think they’re good people who have bad people skills and coping strategies.
FeatherSky – You have a good point. Jesus never said “Be ye therefore a doormat,” and forgiving someone doesn’t mean you have to make them your best friend. There are definitely specific people I avoid because it is spiritually and emotionally taxing to be around them. My apartment managers aren’t included in that group – I really don’t know them very well. I’ve never had a personal dispute with them. I guess I want to give them the benefit of the doubt. I don’t like to feel strongly one way or the other without a personal reason.
Erin – I don’t think you have a single mean bone in your body. Funny you should mention the Remen article – it’s one of my favorites! I actually posted it a few months ago. I agree that kindness is much more than niceness. It’s a vital, intrinsic characteristic. It’s something one either fosters or buries. I just can’t put my verbal finger on how.
Hey Mighty Bob, uh... it was a while ago since I posted under this name, but this is Mandie.
Kindness is something that has always impressed me. Seeing the random person on a crowded bus giving up their seat for someone else, or having a professor stay back to talk story with you for a few hours about life even though their spouses are waiting for them.
In my opinion, kindness is the selfless acts of randomness that cause someone else to feel joy or peace or happiness or solace. We may never know what forms of kindness we offer to others, but for me at least, I know that thinking outside of myself is the easiest way for me to be kind.
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